Friday, January 7, 2011


The countdown has begun. Well, not really. I browsed the iTunes free app section for a non-denaro wedding app a couple weeks after I got engaged and found the not-so-neurotic "Wedding Countdown." Looking back, I realize that having a countdown to the wedding in seconds probably will not lessen my anxiety one bit. And a quick psych test will most definitely bear the same results.

Although I am as anxiety-ridden as LaLoca Lohan after her first minute in rehab slow pieces are beginning to come together. So when I say "pieces" let's all understand that I am overstating the estimation of progress by a lot. It's the difference between not stabbing my eyes out during Star Wars and knowing the chronological order of the movie's releases (and re-releases). Looking at you on that one, Chris. So the Great Advancement from Winter 2010 is...the best lady got her dress. All this occurred in a matter of...who knows? And I am totally going to count this as a personal/couple progression of all things wedding even though my only input was: "Keep your twins and hoo-hah covered and I am fine." Such a bridezilla!!!

Moving on, moving on. Nothing to see here....just really, really dirty laundry that we are betting on if it will reach the ceiling before toppling over. It's made some strides and unlike Stride gum, the "flavor" remains entrenched. I am semi-wishing for it to become a giant laundry monster that can only be tamed by Cesar Milan or Puss in Boots. If it's the latter, there may be issues. So nix the animated character. The cottony beast can only be slayed by Cesar sans Daddy :( Everyone spill a little gravy on the floor for Daddy. Moment of silence. I said silence.

And....we're back. Mom brought over a couple bridal magazines the other night. Yayyyy and Arghhhh!!! I have come to a happy place in which I have resigned that unless the Swan or Bridalplasty take me as a contestant/guinea pig, I will not be looking like the models in the pages of Bride. Oh well. At least they make dresses that will contain the twin peaks. That'd be awkward if they did not. Very awkward but MEMORABLE. Hmm...that could be our "theme-" embarassing nip slips- but is it a "slip" if it was never housed in the first place? Ah, the age old questions that we ponder. What is the meaning of life? Does Ryan Seacrest say "Seacrest, OUT" after coitus? Where do we go when we die? Is a nip slip a nip slip if it was never covered?

When I was talking to my dentist today about the wedding (quite a feat considering I had two hands stuffed in my mouth), he told me to check to make sure that there are not any odd laws in Aruba. As, geography lesson kids, Aruba is not a part of the United States but is a Dutch protectorate. No odd laws that I have found so far. Plus, the resort is super inclusive of everything so I highly doubt that we will be venturing too far off the resort. Ok, I sound waaayyy to bougie for my taste. I FIND THE CLOTHING AT OLD NAVY TO BE AFFORDABLY CHIC. Ok, good. Went down significantly on the bougie rating. I have to admit that I am a little concerned about the whole Natalee Holloway thing but I have a couple of things working in my favor, I am: 1)not fully white, so I should be 50% less attractive to potential abductors/killers, 2) not rich, 3) do not look like a aerobics Barbie, 4) not one to go adventuring without Chris a couple steps ahead of me, and finally 5) in bed by 2:00am. The whole ordeal kinda freaks me out a bit. How crazy would it be if I could Gil Grissom the crap out of the case and find the girl? I think CBS would be obligated to create a show about it. I see it now: "Beach Murder Sex Sun Alcohol Violence" starring as Lucy Liu or Maggie Q (no resemblance but only Asian actresses) as the lead; Sam Jaeger as Chris; Hannah Montana as Natallee Holloway; Tom Cruise as Joran van der Sloot. I probably need a new title so I don't get Cougartowned and I should try and copyright this so I don't get Mencia-ed up the JLo (or Minaj, for those who are more 'hip').

One more magazine to thumb through. Oh, joy. Oooohh! I found this awesomely cool little chocolate boutique in midtown for the truffles. I am going to drag Chris down there this weekend to try them out. Fingers crossed! I would ask how someone could mess up chocolate but there is not enough space for me to fill with "chocolatiers" who need to be stripped of the title.

A couple more minutes and I am going to slink off into the night and fetch Chris and myself breakfast. Aww, aren't I all domesticated and stuff?


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