Friday, July 16, 2010

Dress Hunting at the Bargain Bin

Frugality is a gift, that I dare say, has been bred in me. My grandmother who was and still is my role model made a habit of cutting costs. Ants enjoying your chocolate chip cookies? Well, that's the only function of a Hoover. Ant suction and removal. Birthday celebrations? Costco and the Walton's Sam's Club are a God send. Cram all of the names of those who are celebrating/celebrated/will celebrate their birthday during that fiscal quarter on a sheet cake. Extras? Well, who remembered to pull the baby out of the bathwater? Freeze it, and re-apply the names for the next quarter. Now, don't get me wrong, my grandmother was one of the most amazing women who I have ever had the luck of knowing and I miss her dearly but that woman knew how to save almost to a fault.

In the spirit of Grandma Betty, I decided to do some searching for my Best Lady's dress. A brief explanation of the term is necessary. Although I am a deep brunette, I have blonde roots. They are there, I promise. When asking my ABF (Asian best friend) to be my Maid of Honor, I blanked on the title and feminized the male version- Best Man. Thus, Casey is not my Maid of Honor she is my Best Lady. The term "maid" refers to both the economically unfortunate (or the sociological term- disenfranchised) and the lonely spinster. Case is neither. Thus, Best Lady it is; even if it has a slight resemblance to a Eugene Levy film.

So, Best Lady. Here are some of the wonderful choices that I have assembled thus far:

Nothing conveys our vegetarian lifestyle like this dress that resembles something that has been dragged through an abandoned lot and left out in the elements for a decade. So it's vintage. Don't worry, Case, this will only set you back $198. It's a steal, really.

You can be a beautiful blue princess in this get-up. It is slightly less expensive at $188 and I think this may be a result of the seamstress' inablity to finish piecing together the waistline. Plus: my cousin got out the BeJeweler and gave that dress some much needed pizazz.

I have no idea why this winner is priced under the previous two at the stunningly low price of $178. How have they been able to keep this in the store, much less in inventory? It flatters everything on a woman- it will extend your bust line a good two to three feet, although it may gouge out the eyes of Brian; the elastic feathery band at the knees is sure to help you get down on that dance floor, quite literally. You may need assistance to get back up but you can party all night long with your knees securely snapped together. Not sure if this will leave long-term damage- be sure to consult with Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, or Dr. Laura. Not sure if all of said doctors truly have a degree but they say they do, so it counts, right?

Well, my peanut sized cousin got the super glue and some of the fermenting leaves and flowers from the garden and pasted those all up over this dress. Not quite sure what the ruffling along the side of the gown is. I am going to assume that it is flattering to your figure. Must be slimming, why else would it be adorned on the dress?

I'm thinking this may be the winner. I bet we can spray paint this sucker red, or you can just transfer the gore from my body after I force you into this for the wedding. Dealer's choice. It truly is astonishingly...erm, unique? The top says Dancing With the Stars and the bottom tells a different more unfortunate story of a woman who unknowingly got her gown all scrunched up in her hoo-ha/va-jay-jay/lady bits. Ran out of tp? Or is it just styled? At the winning price of $198 USD (yeah, that's not in Euros ladies). Let's whip out our Visas and charge, charge, charge.

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